oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
