Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Come on in and take your pants off
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