we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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