Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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