my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
