Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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