i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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