two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
