Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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