he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
