it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
