In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
