He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You have to summon your inner elephant
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
