return my video game
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
