Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
