I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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