WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
