then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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