I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
