So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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