I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
