would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
