We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
