so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
