Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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