i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
