another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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