If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
