; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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