Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
