I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
