You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
