I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
