If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
