he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
