You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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