do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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