So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
