My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
