I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is classic penis vs brain.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
