His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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