Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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