I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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