Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
