...so i touched it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
