in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
