you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
