Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
