3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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