My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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