That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
